Sad Snow Day!

Sorry for the delay...stupid blogger wouldn't upload pics....here you go....
Well the snow in March was really beautiful. The sad part is we weren't able to really enjoy it. Levi has been sick now for a week! He got so dehydrated on Saturday that I decided to go ahead and take him to Urgent Care. My doctor said I needed to take him in, so I did. It was awful. IV's, Xrays,urinary catheter. My main roll was to keep him calm and held down for all of it. All the tests came back fine and he just has gastritis. So after the fluids, he is so much better. He slept till 10 this morning! Thanks to all that were praying, and to my community for always being there for us! I love you all!

Oh, and check out the random duck that likes our front yard. He might have come back from the south a little early!

Park Bliss

We just discovered an amazing park by our house yesterday. It was a beautiful day, not like today, and we decided to take advantage of feeling good, and the weather. Enjoy some shots of Levi in Park bliss...

BLAH....

My baby still doesn't feel well. His daddy was home yesterday and he seemed to feel fine. THen today he woke up sad and can't keep anything down. I am a little tired, but mostly I am worried about my baby. This pic is an example of what I miss when he doesn't fell good. I am praying for a quick recovery!

Thankful

It's a NEW DAY! Woke up this morning to a beautiful day. My friend Jen came over to just be with me...can't thank her enough. That is what community is. Knowing I can depend on the people in my life to just be there.

My darling husband caught an early flight home and I don't know if he will ever know what that means to me. It's awesome to know that he can change plans for me.

The only thing that really stunk was that LEvi woke up with a virus. So he was lethargic and throwing up. Never any fun when you can't help your baby.

I believe God made our day this way to allow me to be that mom that I so desperately want to be. The only one Levi has and the ONLY one he wants to snuggle with when he feels bad. It was awesome. Not that he was sick, but that he needed me to be there and I was there.

Today I am thankful...

Coming up to Breathe...

I know this is the album title of the band's record before the latest one, but it's fitting. I made an appointment to see a counselor today and I feel a bit better. Our church has a counseling center that works with our church and so I decided to quit talking about the thing I need to do, and go ahead and do it.

I have been put on this earth to worship and glorify God. This is my purpose! I just find it hard to figure out what that means exactly in my little world here on earth. I miss my husband, but the thing is...I love what he does. He is out there ministering to people every night. Would I be considered a ministers wife of sorts? Maybe. But my pastor tells me I am to be the minister. My church is equipping me to be a minister. My focus needs to change.

I love my community. My husband, my son, my friends, my church. I just need to stop and look around.

"I'm on my way to you"

In the words of MercyMe-grace tells another story

They say don’t waste your time
You simply cannot find
An ounce of good within the heart of man
They say we’ve got to lay
In the bed we’ve made
And live this life without a second chance
But I’m inclined to say
There must be something more

We’ve been told that the heart is just too far gone to save
But grace tells us another story
Where glory sends hopelessness away
Oh grace tells us another story

They say we cannot change
There is no other way
Get used it cause this is all there is
They say don’t raise your voice
Cause we don’t have a choice
We’re dealt this hand so learn to live with it
Well I have to believe
There must something more

Chorus

And though we may not understand
Why You’d give us another chance
We praise You who lets us start again

I'm Drowning

I'm lost. I am that soccer mom that is hiding out trying to figure out her place in this world. I have so many struggles right now. I actually feel like I might be loosing it a bit. I just don't know if there is enough space in this little blog post box to get it all out. Blogging might be my therapist right now.

Struggles....

-Fell like I don't have an identity
-Don't have the motivation to be the best mom I could be
-Have so much to say but feel like no ones listening
-depression
-know where to go for help, but won't go
-The Bible stares at me all day but I don't have the desire to read it
-Don't feel pretty at all no matter how much my husband tells me I am
-So badly want to be accepted by everyone
-Feel like I don't have any talents
-Dreams to be so many things that I am not
-No contentment with anything
-Want to eat all the time
-Husband isn't home much

So these are just a few of the demons that are trying to overtake my life. I am literally drowning in this suburb. I feel like I need to get out. I live for vacations because I don't have to have responsibility.

But here's the question.....once I get out, my issues will still be there. They are in my heart, deep. You see, I have this friend that is getting worked on. She is doing the things she needs to do in order to fix her heart. There is a night at our church where people come together and love on each other and work through the issues that haunt them. Recovery....how many excuses have I come up with on why I can't make it. Robby's not not home, what if there problems are so much more significant than mine, I think I am just complaining, too tired. You name it, I have the excuse.

So I read a blog from my Pastors wife, Lauren. I envy her. Not because she has it all together, but because she admits she doesn't. One of her entries was about the "Question that saved her marriage" The question was "How?" How do we get this all right? Will I be trying to find that answer my whole life? I want the answer now! (Another struggle...patience)

I want to be that woman who knows she is a beautiful, loved child of God, but I don't see the light at the end. I'm just slowly fading into this land of want. Hopefully soon the light will slowly fade into view.

The Elusive Photoshop

I tried tonight to use my Photoshop program again. It just isn't going through my brain. I don't understand how it works. Do you have to have a certain gene that allows you to understand that program. If so, I do not have it. Lacking the gene officially! I desperately want to be good at taking pictures. It is something I feel I could be good at if I wanted to. I just don't know where to start. What books to read, classes to take. Everyone I know that is great at taking pictures says to me "I just read books and taught myself." Really? The seriously taught themselves to take these stunning pictures? Well then, I am going to come back on my next post and be an AMAZING photographer! You'll see! In the mean time here is another pic of the boy! Enjoy.

Reading...

I have had this problem over the years with not finishing books. I am not a great reader, but want to be. I want to be that person that reads super fast and can finish 14 books in 2 weeks (I don't know where that number came from but you get the gist). So I have recently started (and plan to complete) a book called Death By Suburbs. The author is David Goetz. I am so convicted as I read this book. I feel as though I need to read it again as soon as I finish it in order not to forget anything he says. You see, I have another problem which Mr. Goetz addresses in his book. I am constantly in the world and mostly of the world. This is painful for the person who desperately wants to have a relationship with Christ. What an enormous struggle it is. Got a new car, want a newer car, have to have the greatest lawn, have to have the latest stuff. All the while loosing sight of why I am even on this earth to begin with. If you too have this struggle, pick up this book and read it. It is possible to have a deep relationship with our Lord while living in the suburbs!

What Happened

I'm going to try and keep this short....
What Happened? Can someone explain to me where the time has gone. I blinked! It's gone! The time is gone! He was 6 lbs 1 oz! Now in this picture he is a big boy. It is so exciting, but too fast. I just want to remember it all. I want to remember the bath in the sink, the cries for me all night, the look in his eyes as he first realized he was here. I just don't remember as well as I should. Now I can't get enough time in with him. I want to just hug him and kiss him every waking moment. I pray that he has a heart for God and he changes lives. I pray he lives out a transformation in his soul. I pray everyday that he would just live to be saved!

Valentine's Day Party

Levi had a Valentine's Day party at his MDO and I volunteered to help. this was really a milestone for me. I have always wondered how you get started with the whole room mom thing, and volunteering thing. So I feel like I have arrived. It was CRAZY! There were kids everywhere. In the midst of the playing and screaming, I was trying to make sure that Levi didn't go around and eat every other kids cupcake. He is just like his mama. Wants cake, and wants it now! So I spent the whole time running after him saying "no, not yours!" He ate a cupcake, and a huge cookie. Then on the way home he crashed from the sugar. He doesn't rally ever get sugar, so it just made him crash big time. It was fun though!

The 2nd Birthday

For some reason I just can't get my act together a lot of times. Another one of those times besides the blogging, was when I just didn't get a 2nd Birthday party for my son put together. We had been traveling almost the entire month of December and I just didn't get it done. So we invited a couple of friends and family over to the house at the last minute just so Levi could blow out a candle and eat some cake. We took a couple of pictures to prove to him later in life that we really did have a birthday party. Some days I still feel bad, but people keep reminding me that he doesn't know that I didn't throw him this elaborate bash. I am also trying to remind myself constantly that this game called life is NOT a competition. I always feel like I have to keep up with the Joneses and so I am trying to not do that anymore. So here are the pics of the "bash" Enjoy!