God's Unconditional Love

I had a really bad day last Saturday.  I had no sleep the night before because I slept with Levi at my sister-in-laws house and he moves like crazy.  The kind of sleep where every five minutes he would move and breathe heavy.  His legs were in my back at one point.  I am a seriously light sleeper so I got no sleep at all.  I am not so sure that Levi slept that well either because he would occasionally sit up and just look at me.  The room I was in was freezing as well and my feet never got warm.

During the day I was so tired and Levi wasn't listening to me at all.  All I could think was "please just obey me for once you ungrateful child."  In the evening, we were home but we still had about 4 hours to go until bedtime for Levi and I was at the end of my rope with him.  He kept throwing fits and was still not obeying me.  I had to discipline him several times, and then I snapped.  I yelled at him and scared him.  I was so in the wrong.  I had lost it completely and taken it out on a 2 year old.  He was just being 2.  I know that he is going to be disobedient, and I am just supposed to direct him and bring him up in the ways of Christ.  My flesh just completely took over.

That night as I tucked him in the bed, all I could do was ask him for forgiveness.  I told him that when mommy raised her voice at him she was wrong to do that.  He said he forgave me as well as he could and hugged me and gave me a big kiss.

The next morning when I went in his room to get him up and ready for church, and all I heard when I opened the door was "MOMMY!!!!  Hi mommy!!!"  He had completely forgotten about the day before.  He didn't even remember the incident.  I couldn't believe it.  He still loved me, despite how wrong I had treated him.  I was so thankful that he had really forgotten.  During church there was amazing worship and I was trying to sing a song that I had sung a ton of times and I couldn't get it out without balling.  It was the song "Inside Out" and the first line is

"A thousand times I've failed, yet your mercy remains"

I couldn't sing it.  My son had shown me God.  God was talking to me through my 2 year old.  All I could hear Him saying was that He loved me.  After all the mistakes I make, He forgives me when I come to Him and talk about it and ask.  My son had shown me the unconditional love that God has for me.  All the times that I mess up and my flesh takes over, He is there.  His mercy remains.  I am so thankful.

I constantly struggle with my temper and suppressing it.  I am far from a perfect mother, but I am doing the best I can and learning from my mistakes.  I do know that I love my son so much and never want to hurt him.  What a lesson this has been.   

Where's the Cat??

Not many people, including some close friends, know that we actually have a cat in our house.  His name is Digit.  Weird name you say?  He was actually named after one of Dian Fossey's favorite gorillas in Africa. (Watch Gorilla's in the Mist if you have no clue who I am talking about).  I used to really want to be a primatologist, this is why I am obsessed with Gorillas.  Strange maybe, but none the less, true.   

Anyway, we have a cat named Digit.  Now for anyone who knows about him, they know that he is a very sweet cat.  He just hides a lot.  Mainly in my closet and under my bed.  He is constantly tortured by our dog Carter.  I actually feel bad for him a lot because he was the first one to be with me, then came the dog.  I am sure he thinks that is entirely unfair.  

I have actually had Digit since he was a baby kitten.  He is a black cat that is rapidly approaching the age of 10.  He may be older than 10 but I'm bad at birthdays.  He sheds like crazy, hardly ever comes out of hiding, everynight sleeps between my legs (so I can't turn over cause he won't budge), and sheds like crazy.  There are many reasons that I am tired of having a cat.  One being the cat litter box.  GROSS!!!  I am so tired of changing it, and now my darling husband cleans it soooo much more than I do.  Now that I am pregnant I can't change it, so that works out.

So being that there are many reasons that I am tired of having a cat, I actually got really sad last night,  As I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep, my mind started to wander as it often does, and I thought to myself.  "I haven't seen Digit in about a day!"  Then I start thinking..."Oh my goodness, Levi let the dog out yesterday and when I put him down for a nap and came downstairs it was freezing because the back door was WIDE open!  Oh my gosh!  The CAT!!!  I haven't seen him since that time!"  Mind you this was now a day and a half later!!!!

I have actually had scares like this before and he is usually in the house and has found a new hiding spot.  Robby always tells me he is in her somewhere and he is always right.  So I call Rob and he doesn't answer.  I am trying to remain calm and look everywhere I think he might be.  He is not in any closet, not on any bed, not under any beds!  After exhausting a search I actually go outside at 11:00p.m. and start calling for him.  Like he is really going to run up to me and praise me for saving him from the outside world that he does not know at all.  He's not a dog, remember.  So after calling out the back, I think I should take a shot at the front yard.  There is a farm to our right and I am really starting to panic.  I don't know if it is because I won't have a cat anymore, I think it is more that if he did get out I will never know if he is hurt or dead.  I will always feel guilty and wonder what happened to him.  Then I realize, as much as a pain he is, I love that cat.  He has been a part of my family before I even knew Robby.  

So I go in the front yard, with tears in my eyes and start calling for him in the pitch black.  I start to walk around the front of the house to see if he might be in the farmers field just chillin'. As I walk around the corner there is this completely still big black blob.  My heart sinks because he's not moving and it's cold outside.  He's old, remember.  I stand there and say his name and he doesn't move.  I am so sad.  Then as I walk up to him, he MOVED!!!  He walked toward me and let me pick him up and carry him inside.  Please note, he never lets me pick him up without clawing my stomach with his back claws to get away!  He's awesome!  

He lets me cuddle him and I just keep telling him how sorry I am that he has not had food and has just been living as a wild man.  He was so cold.  

Thank the Lord, he is fine.  He just ran right to the food and kept meowing at me.  He got on the bed and I pet him like crazy.  Cat hair flying everywhere from the shedding.  (I am now washing the sheets)  He wrapped himself up between my legs and we went to sleep.  He was in the same spot when we woke up.  Poor baby.  He probably didn't sleep at all while in the jungles of Roanoke.  He was probably trying to get back in the house the entire time.

So for all of you that laugh about the elusive cat that we have, that I always complain about. And for all of you who don't even know him and now feel empathy for him, know that he is loved.  I am thankful to have my kitty back in the house, and I just pray he dies of natural causes some day, not because we left the door open and he thought the other side of the street was greener.

Stupid Blog

I am trying desperately to upload pictures and it's not working.  It's making me crazy and I am frustrated that when I have time to actually get a blog out there, I can't!!!  So hang on to you hats, I will try again later when the little one is sawing logs!

Fall and Halloween

He loved being Buzz
Buzz Lightyear


In the choo choo train
I love his kisses!
I think he actually looks like me here
So cute!
In the jump house, he loves jumping!
More kisses!










Sorry I haven't been on in a while.  I have not been feeling the greatest and therefore have not felt like blogging.  We have had a lot going on, Robby coming in and out of town like a flash has been difficult.  Thanks to my extended family,  Levi and I are doing great.  Can't wait for the weekend of the 21st though.  That means Robby will be done touring for a while and we will be able to act like a fairly normal family.  So in the mean time, enjoy these pics of our buddy and squeeze the ones you love tightly!!!